i miss my best friend from secondary sch so much.... xiao di - have a merry christmas on up above.. i shall look for the brightest star and pray upon it that you are well and fine, and looking after me..! 

smiles.

being very bimbo tonight, i opened the new nivea lipgloss which i bought cos it looked soooooo pretty to try. all i can say is, it's really super natural looking!!! just looks like i have glossy lips or sth .. i tot it would look peachy! so the lesson here is, always get pink/red glosses. orange just doesnt show up.

and now.. im regretting buying the anna sui lipglosses from the staff sale....... both are orangeyyyyyy! :( i think the bb lipbalm wouldn't quite cut it as well. but i just tested it.. the lipgloss looks transparent on my hand as well so the anna sui ones would look like it has more colours i guess? hahahaa.

pink/red is the way to go from now.

and the nivea gloss is surprisingly moisturising! haa... not that sticky nor is it too dry. ok la, i like it for its price hurhurhur.

-

today i dropped by b0dysh0p to see its xmas collection... the plum and cranberry smells so nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think the plum smells nicer actually muahahhahaa. but the lipbalm is like 10bucks.. and its in a tub - shd i?

-

that aside, it's time to prepare xmas presents again! it gets boring through the years... because you realise that there's nothing to look forward to. my friends are not returning the love, lol! am i losing the xmas spirit to cynicism already? i still wanna be able to hear the ringing bells!! (i really love the x'mas movie - Polar Express :) heee.. )

the notes-writing are fun and nice, but sigh - when people don't practise this anymore, it seems as if you are doing more than enough, or trying too hard? maybe it's just me.. but i really like receiving notes :) ok i gotta admit, if the notes are going to be like 'for the sake of it' types, i rather not receive ... :)

merry christmas y'all!

ps: my christmas list is getting boring... its mostly colleagues!! because i don't really know who i'll get to see during the season amongst my friends... last year i ended up preparing presents i kept till april or something. totally oop (outofpoint) and also because like nobody wanted it or sth. BLEHH. i'll just prepare for people i know i'll confirm be seeing :D

back from Bangkok!!!

no, unfortch, i'm not blinded by love.

just blinded by boredom at work today. :D

finally it's come to the day! :D
excited about the run tomorrow and just about gotten everything ready.. i wonder if the weather will be good tomorrow.. i hope the sun won't be too hot and the weather will be fabulous! me being me, will probably be sweating buckets when i hit 30mins.. is there any scientific explanation that people who sweat easily have high metabolism? hahaha.. cos i sure do hope that's the reason!
the route for tomorrow looks good,heheheh.. at least i kinda know where i'll be running to and errr i hope i won't have crazy ppl talking ard me this time.. hee.. ipod? i can't make up my mind.. but i guess i shall give it a miss, since i've been running without music for months already.
the one thing i can't get myself to be prepared for is the waking up!! seriously.. i'm planning to wake up at 5am tomorrow and that means i should be ready for bedtime quite soon enough! i hope i stick to my plans and not have to end up running down to the startpoint in frantic manner!

met eileen yday and we had pasta dinner.. followed by window shopping at tangs. there are so many pretties which i can't wait to lay on my hands on! but they are too expensive! oh well, and today i woke up far too late to go to cck columbarium. SIGH. what a foiled day~

super random, but i have nothing on tomorrow after the run! maybe i shall jus come home, have a good lunch, and then nua my day away dreaming about what i want to buy after getting my pay next mth hehehehehehe. bought sunblock, contact lense solutions and shampoo today! :)

for a good change, i woke up early on a saturday, changed into nice clothes, bothered to make an impression, and left the house at 12plus heading into town... to meet a long, long friend whom i've not seen for years :))))

i thought i was running late, but my dear friend yati was even later than me!! she arrived just 15mins before the show started, grabbing a huge carton of popcorn and 2 drinks for both of us. hehe. BUT not without getting lost waiting at the 4th floor of cineleisure even though she was supposed to be on the 9th! hehehehhehe.

we couldnt finish the popcorn nor the drinks, but we finished the movie feeling really magical and warm and nice. *dust is reaaaaaaaally nice!! i love. enchanting, magical, subtle and sweet. claire danes looked prettier in R&J, but her character is enchanting nonetheless and i would love to be a star like her.... :)))

"i never imagined i'd know it for myself.
my heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it,
like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more,
it belongs to you, and if you wanted it, i'd wish for nothing in exchange.
no fits, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion,
nothing but knowing you loved me too.

just your heart, in exchange for mine."

"so yes, i know that love is unconditional.
but i also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing..."

//yvaine (claire danes)

spent the rest of the afternoon strolling around orchard, catching up and enjoying simple company.. she's a colleague i got to know 4 years ago when i finished Alevels and was temping at CPF Board. we just somehow got friendly and became good friends, still keeping in touch after i left but on and off.. but definitely someone i always think of from time to time~ so tis week i emailed her and we finally met up! hee.. gonna meet her again next month to do some serious shopping hehehehehe.. enjoyed my day today,really. it's a refreshing change, and always nice to catch up with people you haven't seen for a long, long, long time!

-*-

also collected my stanchart racepack yesterday after work. YES, the run's next sunday!! so exciting yet so fretful about it. hehe. One thing i've never regretted from signing up from the run is that i've met so many new people and had so much fun with them.. Liwen, Miyoung, John and Valeryn especially.. if not for this runclinic thing, i would not have gotten to know liwen beyond work, and i really enjoy her company! :) it's such a blessing in disguise. and miyoung is so nice as well! john too.. they are really jovial people and having them around for the weekly runs are something i look forward to each thursday. and i'll really miss it after the run.. perhaps we can organise a little something to continue these weekly sessions :) will miss our coach tho,he's such an inspiration to me. and he was the reason i managed to finish the 5laps even though i had jus barely recovered from my sickness the day before. it was a great last session with him. good training, even though i was sick i completed the sets and challenged myself. mental and physical endurance is key, and i've learnt that i'm actually capable of it, but just how much i really want it. will remember to keep him as my runspiration when i feel like giving up next sunday morning:)

*-*

just learnt from joey that her best friend Melvin passed away in his sleep 8days ago, and she only learnt bt it after his short wake and cremation was over. i really really feel for her and my heart ached after hearing her speak about it. she's been through such a bad patch this few months and surely it has already reached the pit? i hope life takes a good turn for her soon, especially with her grandma waking up from the coma already. take care, girl, i'll always be there for you.. *hugs.

to all those i have not managed to keep up with but was close to you for a while, and especially my close circle of friends, i hope you guys take good care of yourselves and pls pls pls ask me out if i don't! i really miss having fun with you guys....

life is fragile and so are relationships, i've learnt that nothing is perfect yet nothing is perfectly capable of self-destruction. choices, as well, are important and shouldn't be harshly made. especially if you do not want to spend the next year or so regretting anything at all.

CHEERS, people!

OH HOW YOUNG WE WERE! :)))
an old neoprint shot of my sec2 classmates: jingwei, enen,yanling,xiangling,xiuxian and i..

this is perhaps the only photo taken together with my bestie from school.. so better capture it before i lose it. 
this is nearly 10 yrs later, gosh i'm really turning old.
hopefully time hasnt left its mark on me.. :)

so young then! & black.. heehee.. & round! :)))))))
the 4 peculiar friends who had loads of fun together.. *wink

i am contemplating studies again. i know i put it off again and again, but i really wanna do this, next year.

shall start sourcing up some possibilities. masters? or accountancy degree? lalalae 

debt to the mum shall have to stay stagnant for a while. i still owe her close to 20k... sOBbb 

went down for a training session yday with the company folks. and i like, diedd. always been running by myself but first time training together with the rest of the peeps.it felt like jc all over again, at the old nie, looking at the src guys playing rugby (seriously, they were!) and running round the tracks (God, i HATE tracks! and always will, haa).

we did only slightly less than 5k, but i felt like killing myself already. ha.. but i feel great this morning, so looking forward to the next session!! :D seriously though, i have not done timed splits for AGES. 1 round under 2mins??? hey, i could have done that in 1 half in jc. haha. how time has done me in man. looking forward to the stage when i can once again do splits of 6 under 2, hehe. shall train harder.

and it's not easy to run there!!! we did 4 loops round the nie, and the slopes killed me badly. ALL THE TIME. i feel so weak after the 1st session, seeing the rest run free while i felt something was bursting inside me. think i've lost the momentum after GE run, been so lazy, and it's only 1 week post-GE. haha. talk about laziness, i'm so the epitome of it! but gotta pick it up for STC, otherwise i will run/walk till i'm green in the face, HA!

a personal challenge: to finish it slightly over 60mins! :)))

  

today, i had a silly dream involving my birthday and a trip up to genting, and a silly ex-crush as well.
haha.. but it was nice! to have a familiar yet forgotten face suddenly appear in my dream.. with a gift for me for my birthday!!

and a birthday gift from a used-to-be-crush! 
i wonder how he is doing now .. last i heard, he was studying in SIM.
last i saw him, was on deepavali like 2, 3 years ago..

why do you never bump into people you feel like seeing?

guess which one!! :D
 

a ruined sunday( so to spk) made me kinda sad. from missing out on the morning run to missing out on the ibg carnival to napping again in the late aftnoon aft tuition hence missing my evening run again. hahah. sounds so out of sync but that was what happened to me on my sunday!! =( an exasperated me went for a short run at 10plus, which was disappointing as well.

but today after many many battles with myself i finally decided to go for a run after tuition at 9pm. today i finally outsmarted myself in a way and had a rather decent run. hurhurhur. a huge loop ending with a mini loop near my neighbourhood.. about 4k? hahah. improvement. =P and also a shorter time taken this time round hurhur. but my splints are kinda coming back, especially evident in my left shin. do i put too much pressure on the left foot when i run? oh well, not much i can exert at the turtle-ish pace either but haha. its hurting again. i probably shd remind myself to let it take a rest before it hurts too much for oct. sobsob.

soooo. maybe i will go combat tmr hehe. packed my stuffs and hopefully i may go =p

its once again september. oh, how a year has passed.

3rd week of Move! sometimes i get incredibly fidgety and i'll just change into my shoes. it's the best cure. other times, its due to the urge to run, or to fight depression.
 
it works! and it makes you feel better. these days, i'm at least abit more sane, except for tonight at the office.. =\ which ruined my chance to run. argggh. i wanna wanna runnnnnn. at least now, i do not regret doing a short run at 10plus yday night. still early, of cos, but not early in my neighbourhood anymore. i'm chicken. =) and so, tmr's JB day. here's hoping i get to run if i wake up early, or at least i get to run at night.

now that i do think about it.. hmm.. perhaps if i could just wake up at 9, it'll be a perfect time to go for a short run. hehehe. just before jb in the afternoon. and then i can reward myself with a gooooooooooood brkfast after that!! heeee.. contemplating bt sunday morning as well, since i can't squeeze in my bodycombat class.

exercising is a sure way to make life happier!

1. deja vu.

2. impending depressions.

3. visits and dreams.

4. work depression.

why on earth does my mind like to work itself to death?
why on earth do i like to screw my mind up..

and whyon earth is my mind so screwed that it can present different pairs of conflicting scenarios which make me go into overdrive to no end?

why do i keep screwing my mind with the same issues?

and why aren't you around when i really need you..

so much has happened since my muse about numbers. cliche, but a frank opinion nonetheless.

firstly, i managed to get my left front tooth chipped off minutes after typing the last entry, and consequently slashed $320 bucks  off my bank account after a visit to the dentist, which included filing for the chipped tooth and 4 fillings done. and i suspect i see more, but i shan't bother about them till the next trip to the dentist in dec. bah!

mariah carey's been playing for the last 2 days. i love 'One Sweet Day' - the lyrics just jumps out at me, and makes me want to hear it over and over again. doesnt help that i've been having sort of recurrent, haphazard dreams of mr goh for the last few days. what is it, my dear friend? 

sometimes i think i'm subconsciously prone to linking things up just for the sake of it. but that's faith isn't it? believing in certain things sometimes make life much easier, no matter how senseless or ridiculous it may be. i get the feeling when things are down, mr goh appears now and then. and no, i have not been thinking of my friend lately before i got the dreams. and yesterday when i was trying to find my old jc notes for econs to facilitate my tuition preparation, i got mr goh's maths and physics script from the prelims.. something i borrowed from him in an attempt to add on to my (measly last minute) a levels prep.. well, i don't know but i miss you, dear old friend!! there aren't lots who've seen my temper flare at the most unusual moments while talking to them, and certainly almost none since my sec sch days who've chatted with me from the middle of the night to the morning on the phone, mindlessly. still remember those days when we would stop chatting on the irc/icq at 1 am to talk on the phone till 3plus in the morning or later, grumbling about teachers and siblings and all those senseless stuff. and the silly outing to 'tonightwithgurmit' with him, ho*ngjie, shee*na.. (i can't remember what made us start going, though i vaguely have an idea but have no wish to admit), grabbing tiny candy cones that were thrown around for christmas, and playing stupid '1 frog jumped into the pond' games with each other during the long 157ride to mediacorp.

crap. i wanna go back in time. back to when i still had my best(guy)friend anytime of the day, in school, on the internet, on the phone and i could just rattle on and on about my misgivings knowing he'll give the same answers and then feeling angry yet better.. 

this is getting excessively emotional a post. 

but i think it helps keep my sanity in check when questioned once in a while.

life is good, but sometimes, a good one or two bad decisions tamper the joy.